woke from a dream

February 9, 2013 1:14 am

finally – my muse has returned.  i won’t try to convey all that has happened…i had a dream, and i think i am aware of it’s message.  i like dreams – they come like bills from the irs – they should be paid respect.  unlike the irs,  they recede when we don’t respect them.  i know many people who say they don’t dream – i wonder how much attention they have for  their children, or the small signals all around from the world, their mate, the boss they are engaged with, the work they do.   maybe they just learn to not listen to anything, and so the miracle (yes i call it a miracle)  itself is invisible to them.

it does not matter to you what my dream was – but it was an important message, and i am thankful.



November 20, 2011 9:49 am

when is up really down?
when is off really on?
when is out really in?
when is easy really hard?
when is happy really sad?
when is truth really a lie?

are these just a matter of perspective?

long time no write

9:20 am

Much has happened this past year, and blogging has been the last thing on my list of things to do.

However, I did capture some photos from OWS when the weather was still warm…  I feel particularly obligated to share them since the encampment was dispersed.

Go Granny

OWS Occupiers

We can work this out

The common truth

The common truth

Hot September

September 25, 2010 7:40 am

There was snow and iceballs (hail) falling from the sky on September 13, 2010, in Delaware County, in upstate NY.  Wow.


September Snow with Steam on the side

September Snow with Steam on the side

84 dollars an hour

November 4, 2009 6:25 pm

If I never get hired again, it may be because I’m not qualified….If you’ve paid your debt to society, you are in luck…

jobs for felons ny – Found: 330 Jobs In Your Area $17-$84/Hour – Sign Up & View Jobs.

been slimed?

November 2, 2009 2:25 pm

friday morning – 10 AM: bau, meetings, plans reviewed, tasks set up…
friday afternoon – 1:00 PM: having been just laid off with 40 others, sitting in a bar in times square, drinking a tall long island iced tea.

The Job is over. The Company Failed. I am back to hunting the snark. I’m not feeling particularly inspired right now, but I’ll get back to posting soon.

In the meantime, I’m looking at what possible change of career I can make. I’m thinking that the Financial/IT industry has lost some marbles, and I’m considering going into training to be a plumber.

rain, rain go away

July 18, 2009 8:44 am

here in the northeast, so much rain…it has stunted the flowers, and has my daughter thinking she wants to move to san diego… she is less afraid of earthquakes than the lack of sun

I have a new job - finally, and it is a joyous job – smart, ambitious, and demanding, just like I like…and I can wear blue jeans, one of the serious considerations I have been enamored with since the days of ‘casual fridays’ ..remember those days?

so, with all the people who are still not working, and the economy still rushing around like a chicken without a head, I add my advice to the swarm of advice-givers to the remaining jobless –

1. don’t ever give up….the creeping loss of confidence is your worst enemy..
2. don’t not try something different…keep your brain and spirit alive…rage if you must, cry if you want to, let it out or it will really make you sick.
3. don’t feel bad for feeling bad…you are human, you are divine, you are given these feelings to explore and …nothing lasts forever.
4. make new friends – look in unusual places, find the one person you may have overlooked in your panic – expand your attention – even one new friend expands your world by 100 %.
5. don’t listen to advice-givers – they are not in your shoes, only you can make the best out of this bad situation for yourself…(with the help of one new friend)
6. remember advice # 1.

short story:
I took this waitress job, I was totally out of money, my house teetering on foreclosure, borrowing money, going on interviews, no hope, but needed a little money to pay for gas and milk. So, this lady who runs this tavern/motel gives me a job waitressing in her tavern. I’ve done this before, when I was a student, so ok, I can do this. it won’t pay my bills, but it will keep me busy, and I get free dinner.

I was pretty good – never dropped dishes, or made an error on someone’s check, got along great with the kitchen staff, the customers…I am a naturally gregarious person occasionally, and I can turn on the charm. So, I am happily into my third week – I made enough money to pay my car insurance, which if canceled, causes major problems, as you know…

On Sunday, after my shift, she fires me. I was ‘untrainable’, in her words. What went wrong?

I knew she was the kind of person who likes for people to think she was important. I was always polite, never confrontational, but I did not think she was any more important than anybody else. That was the problem. So I was not kissing her ass, or uncomfortable asking questions during my training. I was also making friends with the customers…it was a pretty casual place, and the customers liked me.

Beware the jealous boss…They require you to keep yourself constrained, beyond the standard ‘we are in civilized company’ kind of restraint we all have to practice. In this situation, she never asked me any questions about myself, so she did not know I was taking a job ‘below my payscale’, or one I was way overqualified for. She didn’t want me to be an intelligent, creative, hardworking person…she wanted a sycophant.

So, I was fired. Something in me irritated her so much she could overlook the good work I was doing.

So, I wondered about that. I realized there was a pattern…I’ve had several jobs that ‘didn’t work out’, and I had always thought it was my fault, my lacking something, my not being good enough.

I have finally realized the truth – I just don’t get along with people who need to subjugate other people. I have flourished in environments where the work is what matters, not the politics. Because that sounds like an excuse, I had rejected the thought. I was more attached to thinking it was some thing wrong, than seeing that it was right.

So, back to advice # 1 – never give up – never give up working to understand, to see the truth, even when it hurts, to strive to become more than you are, to treat others as you want to be treated, to reach for your own specific star…

I can still find many opportunities for justifiable rage, I don’t have to give up my angry engine…I’ve just now learned to aim it at targets more worthy than myself.

space junk

June 25, 2009 3:11 pm

ok my mellow period is over….

in the last three weeks, i’ve been a mad dog, a gentle companion, and a flu-ridden lump of complacence. I’ve watched the iranian comi/tragedy on twitter, and been rained on more than i care to admit to. i’ve had several interviews, been scrutinized, questioned, tested, flattered, bs’ed, and made several people laugh. my spam filter has almost died from exhaustion.

time is up.

Neda is immortalized, Farrah Fawcett is gone, Michael Jackson is going, Iran is being born again, and we are stymied… I am talking transformation here, guys…this summer is going to be the summer of too much, if nothing else. Too much blood, too much rain, too much stupidity, too much waste, too much old business that won’t go away:

NEW YORK (Dow Jones)–Bank of America Corp. (BAC) is facing a federal lawsuit filed Thursday in New York, which claims that the bank is discriminating against the female brokers from Merrill Lynch because on average they were offered lower retention packages than white male brokers.

The lawsuit, which seeks class-action status, was filed by Jaime Goodman, a legacy Merrill Lynch broker who had been with the firm for 16 years before it was acquired by Bank of America on Jan. 1.

Goodman contends that women brokers were typically eligible for lower retention bonuses offered by Bank of America following the acquisition because the company based the bonuses on production. Goodman claims that because of gender discrimination at Merrill, particularly the practice of giving wealthier clients to male brokers, women have lower production than men.

Now, I was working for Merrill until January, and there were a lot of non-american women in the IT departments….hmmm…were the powers thinking that women in IT are less likely to be upstarts, those especially from countries where women are still (still) considered second-class were even less likely to give lip? is this one reason for the volume of outsourcing especially to female workers in IT? Are Iranian women proving to be the most brave, the most ethically and intellectually superior members of out human race right now?

I had a subordinate who was a non-american non-iranian female, and when i was her boss, she kissed my a**. i trained her out of that, and taught her to be more appreciative of her natural intelligence, and respectful of her own voice. However, when things changed, and she became my peer (on a different project) she became truly herself, and applied her native cultural bias against females to me! so ….

do women from other countries carry the seeds of cultural prejudice against women into the workplace? you bet! do american women who have achieved position in the work field put up with this? no way! most have settled into (what I don’t know). Now, Jamie Goodman has credentials…she is (was?) First Vice President-Investments, Global Wealth Management, and looks pretty serious to me…I’d bet she wins her lawsuit…

On another note, why am I getting spammed into the next century? is it possible that there are still enough boobs out there who answer these things, marketing being the whore of the consumer corpse? who are these people? is anyone really making money with “Medical Billing and Coding” ? ?

I’m getting pissed again, but since i’m still getting over the flu, I’m not sure I’m making any sense.

free trip to florida

June 17, 2009 9:19 am

So, I have had this free florida trip paid for for the last 5 years, never had the time to schedule it, and now I get a call that it’s about to expire, unless I pay an extension fee of 118.00, which I of course cannot (will not). But, I still want that vacation! I want to see those manatees!


So, the agent, who I got on with famously (now that I’m no longer channeling a mad dog) agreed to find ‘some way’ to keep me in the grace period for a while longer, so I looked up florida, and found interesting & disturbing news:

Drug war moves cultivation inside

With VIDEO Self-sufficiency, pride, the economy and a perceived responsibility to stem international terrorism all are reasons why a growing number of people are cultivating their own marijuana, according to lobbyists who want to change pot laws.

Roommate of man found dead at landfill charged in dumping of body

A man’s decomposing body was tossed into a Dumpster by his live-in lover who is now charged in the disposal of the human remains, sheriff’s officials said. (He didn’t kill him, just dumped him)

and more…

Nesting skimmers ignore effort to lure them south

Despite a full-scale decoy effort to attract a pair of nesting American black skimmers to undeveloped dunes in Ponce Inlet, the birds have chosen a busy oceanfront resort instead.

My vacation dream has crumbled, but I am not dismayed…it only serves to confirm that I am exactly where I want to be, and there’s no place like home….

As we emerge from this cool spring, I (most of us) have survived yet another winter, and I have less baggage, more confidence, a longer resume, tighter wits, and more fun than I had last year. Somehow I feel cleaner, and have had my vacation after all.

dog bite

May 9, 2009 7:58 am

My dog died this week, from heart failure. He was a Keeshond, very hairy and funny and sweet. It came on suddenly, he was never sick until two weeks ago, and then he just passed away. I buried him in the meadow behind my house, so he can look at the sky.

Now, I’m wanting to talk about dog behavior and people behavior.

I am becoming a mean dog. I say that with full knowledge that many people think they don’t like mean dogs, and I myself was never fond of them, but in my own transformation into one, I have a new perspective.


Dogs are not born mean. They may have a pre-disposition based on breeding that gives them an easier path to meanness, but they are born, just like people, with potential for anything.

A mean dog is created by systematic abuse, fear, deprivation, purposefully applied confusion, implementation of dependency, isolation from support, and alternating harsh and friendly treatment, resulting in a breakdown of the responses needed for civilized acceptable behavior.

Sounds like torture? Yes, it is torture.

This is the point. In this country, now, we have been tortured, we (the workers, the families, the little guys) have been abused, and it continues. The thing is, the victim of abuse usually has no voice, and little strength to protest, being busy with survival. We have the internet.

If I’ve worked for years with fear of being fired if I countered my boss with an offending opinion, if I’ve lived for years with the confusion perpetrated by the obvious lie in what was stated in the corporate mandates like “Excellence, Integrity, Teamwork”, if I’ve labored under the confused assumption that I was a valuable member, only to be dismissed at the first opportunity to give my job to a stranger who was charging so much less, even if providing less talent, if all around me the system that was so revered is crumbling, then no wonder I am becoming mean.

And, the meaner I get, the less I am employable. So, one suggestion from the devil on my shoulder is to
1. Rent myself out as a guard dog to some criminal who needs protection, in exchange for food & jewels
2. Go on a rampage and grab things I need or want, and
3. Make someone else my victim, just because that’s all I know, and it seems like what those big guys are doing.

People, like dogs, can only stand so much abuse before they crack.

Problem – I cannot just abandon my other self, the one who has hope, the one who is creative, the one who has compassion for those who have less, even though I have little. I remain confused.

If I get logical, then I should look at what is succeeding, and apply those lessons, even if it means becoming some sort of criminal myself. Logical?

I feel like a ping-pong ball with no bounce, only ricochet.